Herbert A. Millington
Chair - Search Committee
412A Clarkson Hall
College Hill, MA 34109
Dear Professor Millington,
Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.
Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.
Chris L. Jensen
Holy shit, that's funny.
Update [Sept. 1, 2007]: Welcome, philosophers! If you'd like to read more reactions to rejection letters, click here and here, and if you want more self-absorbed commentary on the job market (with swear words and jokes!), click here.