Monday, April 2, 2007

Time to Get on the Internet, Take Stock of What I've Done II

Yesterday, I talked a little about on-line job applications, and about the shitty, off the shelf human resources web-site than most schools use. Let me pick up where I left off.

When you’ve filled out all the various questions about your past criminal dealings, you actually get to submit your application. Super. It ought to be easy, right? You just upload the various pieces of your application package as attachments.

The thing is, this shitty, off the shelf human resources web-site was obviously designed by someone who has some serious OCD issues about on-line communication. You need to imagine our human resources guru sitting in his cubicle and working himself into a nervous fit about sending a spreadsheet to his to boss. “The “attach file” field says the file is attached, but what if it really isn’t? How can you know for sure? Oh, sweet Jesus, there’s no way to know for sure. There’s no way to know for sure.”

So, when our man got the gig designing the shitty, off the shelf human resources web-site, he made damn sure us applicants wouldn’t have to go through the sweaty-palmed horror he knew so well. Consider how files must be attached. You start with your first file, say, your cover letter. Then:

Step 1. You browse for your cover letter and you find it.

Step 2. Like with the crappier webmail applications, even when you have the file in the “attach file” field, you have to click a separate button to attach the file. You click. You think you must be done, but you’re very, very wrong.

Step 3. You get a pop-up window asking you if you really want to attach the file. (Our man thinks this little baby is a nice touch.) Of course you want to attach it, so you click to confirm.

Repeat steps 1 through 3 for every document in your application, going through the process 5 to 7 more times. Now you’re done, right? Oh, no. Not by a long shot. Because this is just where our man really started to work his magic.

Step 4. Click to confirm that you’ve uploaded everything you want to upload. Surely, this has to be the end. But no.

Step 5. Your last click takes you to a page where you're invited to make changes to what you've uploaded. You know, in case you just now realized your file called “CV-Dec 2006.rtf” is in fact one of the more experimental chapters in your erotic autobiography. Of course you don’t want to make any changes. Why the fuck would you? It was hard enough to get this fucking far. So you confirm that you’re application’s complete.

Congratulations, you're half an hour closer to death. Now you just need to do it again for the other five on-line applications you’re doing today.

No comments: